A Random Feelings

I dont want to be spoiled, annoyed, or such a sucks person.
I don’t want to be childish,
I don’t meant to be difficult, not at all.

But, everytime I have to deal, to cover my sadness with a happy voice…. Sometimes it hurts.
I just tryin’ my best to make you sure that I’m alrite, I’m okay.
But still, I need some time to adapt with this kind of situation.

I know I could do everything, I know you also know that.
I know I always have a thousand ways to make myself happy, I know you also thought that.
I know I will always find a way to recover myself, to do the self-healing. I also know you’re absolutely agreed abt that.
I know I will do everything, everything…. in my power, to make people I loved smile happily. I hope you understand that.

If you still do not understand that, it’s okay. You may used to think that I’m different, but apparently it’s not.

and I’m really sorry for that.

ps: if you asking me what or why, Tbh I can’t explain. Not bcs I don’t want to, but I totally don’t know, what’s wrong with me lately. I just feel like, I don’t know. Really.

Maybe I just, Missed you.

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/con•ceal/

Have you ever feel too sad until you couldn’t cry?

Have you ever feel like you want to cry hard but you can’t, bcs you know you would hurt someone you love?

Have you ever feel like you have to wear a mask of ‘happy-face’ while deep down you feel so blue?

Yes, I have. And I feel it rite now.

[Monthly Love Letter] December: The First 30 Days

“Satu rasa itu ada pada waktunya, satu cinta itu terungkap pada akhirnya. Satu hal yang jauh kau cari, tanpa kau sadari berdiri sekian lama, bukan dibelakangmu, bukan didepanmu, namun tepat disampingmu.”

He may not be as sweet as another in words, he may not be as cute and romantic as another one. He may seems jokeful and never take things seriously, he may looks he didn’t love his girl tenderly.

But hey; every person has their own way to express their careness to their love ones. And he, do all the things that make his girl feel grateful to have him.

He called up his girl only to make sure she has a good day, he stayed up til midnight, told a lot of stories which could make his girl laugh so hard til she forgot all the things that annoyed her. He, the one who made himself, broke his walls and fences of his principal just to be with her. He, who always think logically, buildin’ plans a way faraway from now, to make the dreams come true.

He’s my silly bestfriend, my partner in crime, my brother that I never have, my story teller, my laugh-machine, my first-row-supporter, my other half. He’s my everything and I thank for all the things that already passed and a couple time ahead which yet to come 🙂

Tentang Bicara

Bicara tentang Cinta,
Kata mereka, hati-hati jatuh cinta. Mudah, tapi efeknya besar. Mengapa harus ‘jatuh’? Ketika mereka mempertanyakan sebuah teka-teki, ‘jatuh apa yang paling menyenangkan?’ mungkin sebagian besar akan menjawab dengan ‘jatuh cinta’, saya pun demikian.

Dulu.

Bicara tentang sayang,
Haruskah sayang terucap ataukah dapat tersirat dengan segala tindakan? Sebagian besar mungkin akan menjawab bahwa rasa sayang dapat terasa secara tersirat, saya pun juga beranggapan demikian.

Dulu.

Bicara tentang Dia,
Bicara tentang kamu yang sudah beberapa lama ada di dalam hari saya. Sebagai teman baik, pendengar yang setia, motivator yang selalu bisa membuat senyum saya kembali. Saya sungguh berterimakasih pada semesta yang telah ‘tidak sengaja’ mempertemukan kita.

Dulu.

Saya jatuh cinta, saya sayang,
tapi katamu itu tak cukup. Ya, hidup bukan opera sabun yang hanya menyiarkan mimpi, fantasi, dan harapan. Ada saatnya kenyataan harus benar benar kita hadapi.

Kamu mengajarkan saya banyak hal,
tentang hidup, tentang masa lalu, tentang masa depan. Bagaimana semua pengalamanmu membuka mata saya untuk tetap hidup.
Kita mungkin sama-sama dipertemukan untuk belajar, sama-sama menaruh perasaan untuk tau bahwa hidup tak seindah di layar kaca. Walau pada akhirnya, ujungnya, tidak seperti yang saya bayangkan, mungkin yang kamu juga bayangkan. Saya tahu bukan saya yang salah, ataupun kamu. Bukan juga waktu.

Semesta, boleh saya meminta?
Saya lelah. Boleh saya beristirahat sebentar?

Jakarta, 14 Juli 2016
06.16 a.m